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03/18/2007 Archived Entry: "My transformation to a redneck is almost complete"

First the disclaimer:
I have no problem with rednecks. It is just I could no more be one than I could be blonde without a dye job. With that being said.

Over the past couple of weeks my wife and I have had a discussion. I have been hauling a lot of beekeeping supplies around in my 1987 Toyota Supra. A car I love very much. However it doesn't exactly make for large trunk space. My wife drives a 1984 Toyota Supra so her car doesn't come with extra trunk space either. A van is nice but the idea of hauling large numbers of hives enclosed in the same space as me should something go wrong is a bit disconcerting. The final straw came between yesterday and today. My wife and I went to the rare fruit tree sale put on by the local rare fruit council. We bought stuff a lot of it including a 4 foot key lime tree. Remember we are in a Toyota Supra.

Fortunatly it has a sun roof. So we packed up a bunch plants and trees in the car, by opening the sun roof and loading them in from the top down. I tuck my wife into a small corner of the back seat and let the thorns from the key lime tree poke her. Since going to this thing was her bright idea.

I drove up the road back to the house with trees sticking out the sunroof of car. I think I caused three accidents along the way from people looking at the car and laughing so hard they forgot to watch the road.

The today I am trying to get ready for cut outs and I am trying to cram six medium hive bodies screened bottom boards and top entrances plus tools and other items into the car to go and do the cutouts. I couldn't even see my rear view mirror. Then to top it all off the battery on the car went. And I got stuck not being able to do my cut outs.

My wife and I looked at each other and said it is time for a pickup truck. I could hear bad country music bouncing in my head. All of the sudden the vision of me in a plaid shirt , boots and a piece of straw hanging out of my mouth made me cringe. it just isn't who I am. My wife noticing the twitch I suddenly developed in my left eye said don't worry honey I will get a baseball cap with a confederate flag on it and a horn that play dixie. My wifes sympathy and understanding on occasion leaves something to be desired. Regardless of the image and stereotype I was about to place myself into we purused the ads. Now I have some rules about what I wanted in a truck if I was going to get a truck.
1. It had to be a pickup truck. Not some supped up 4 wheel drive that I needed a ladder to get into.
2. It had to have a real truck bed. If I can't fit a sheet of 4x8 plywood in it without the plywood hanging half off the back I am not interested.
3. It had to be a real truck. No oversized Tonka toy that some yuppie scum is driving around just to make himself look good.
4. No extended cab. I need a truck not a mini van disgused as a truck.
5. It had to be used. I am not paying the over inflated new car costs that some slick haired car salesman is trying to sell me so he can have a commision.

Well my being picky lead me to look through the classified, ebay motors and finally craigslist. Rednecks don't tend to hang on craiglist but enviromental whacked out tree huggers do and occasionaly they have a truck without realizing why they have a truck. Well $1400 dollars later I am now the proud owner of a 1989 Ford F150 xlt pickup with extended bed and a 5 speed manual transmission. It ain't the most pretty vehicle out there but it runs great the engine and transmission are in fantastic shape, and the seats aren't torn up. Some dings and rust spots but nothing that will confuse me with a wannabe yuppie. Smiley

My wife tells me now when I drive the dog has to go with me in the back. Maybe I can trade the wife on craigslist. In the meantime I now need to sell my 1987 Toyata Supra. i think I will put it on craiglist when I am ready to sell it. Maybe when they buy the car they can take the wife with it. Right now she is teasing me about what size boots I wear. I hope she understands I will kick her in the bum it with them.